The Hardest Choice a Parent Can Make
This is the last weekend of March and we’ve saved the hardest edition for last.
This month we explored Choice Power from every angle. How babies make choices before they can speak. How kids negotiate with their Hero Voice or their Fear Voice. How self-talk shapes everything that comes after.
But there’s one dimension of Choice Power we haven’t talked about yet.
The one that belongs to you.
Because the hardest choice in parenting isn’t the rules you set or the battles you pick. It’s the moment you realize you’ve been parenting the child you imagined and not the child in front of you.
Dr. Shefali Tsabary has spent decades helping parents see this. She’s a clinical psychologist, author, and Oprah Winfrey’s favourite parenting expert who turns the mirror away from our children and points it directly at us.
Her message isn’t comfortable. But it’s one of the most freeing things a parent can hear. But first, let’s return to a moment in history when something overlooked became a masterpiece.
STORY
The Marble Nobody Wanted
There’s a story coaches tell and whether or not it’s true, it’s one worth keeping.
When Michelangelo was asked how he carved the statue of David, he supposedly said: “It’s simple. I just removed everything that is not David.”
What we know for certain is this: he started with an 18-foot block of marble that Leonardo da Vinci and every other artist in Florence had already rejected as unworkable. Too flawed. Too difficult. Not worth the effort.
Four years later, David stood over 17 feet tall in the heart of Florence — the most celebrated sculpture in human history, carved from a block nobody else believed in.
Most of us come to parenthood with a vision already formed. The child we imagined. The person we expected to emerge from the marble.
And when our real child looks different from that vision — quieter, louder, harder, softer, wired completely differently than we are, something in us picks up the chisel and starts trying to reshape them.
But what if our job isn’t to sculpt them into something?
What if it’s simply to remove everything that’s blocking who they already are?
The quiet turn: The masterpiece isn’t something you create. It’s something you uncover — when you’re finally willing to put down your own blueprint.
SKILL
Which “F” Just Showed Up?
Here’s a question most parenting books never ask: What do you do when you get triggered?
Not what you should do. What you actually do.
Dr. Shefali identifies five ego-driven reactions that parents fall into under stress. She calls them the Five F’s of Parenting Reactivity. Most of us have a default and most of us have no idea what it is.
Fighter — Reacts with anger. Needs to win, dominate, shut it down.
Fixer — Jumps straight to solving. Can’t sit with the discomfort of the problem.
Feigner — Pretends everything is fine. Smiles through the frustration until it erupts.
Freezer — Shuts down. Goes silent. Can’t find the words or the boundary.
Fleer — Leaves the room, physically or emotionally. Avoids the whole thing.
None of these are bad. They’re all just underprepared parents, which is in all of us.
The practice this week is simple. The next time you get triggered, pause for one second and ask: Which F just showed up?
Not to judge it. Just to name it. Because the moment you can name your reaction, you’ve already created a tiny gap between the trigger and the response.
That gap? That’s where Choice Power lives. For parents and kids alike.
TOOL
A Mood Monster Approved Adventure — Today Is the Last Day.
Easter is a hunt… but not just for eggs.
Across this 5-day adventure, momentum builds day by day as your child follows the story of Harmony Hare — each day receiving a chapter, a challenge, and a compass card that gently strengthens their Hero Voice.
Along the way, they’ll also enjoy 2 flipbook stories, playful printables, and small moments of reflection that turn Easter into more than a single morning… but a tradition of growth you can return to each year.
Because the most meaningful Easter surprises aren’t the ones that disappear by Monday. They’re the ones children carry with them.
Families are already getting ready for April 5th. Claim your adventure before tonight’s bonus disappears at midnight.
Bonus: Official Hare on the Chair Hero Quest included free ($33 value).
Digital download. Instant access. Bonus expires tonight at midnight.
Before you go…
That’s a wrap on March.
Four weeks. Four mentors. One capacity. And a month we hope has quietly changed the way you see every standoff and every negotiation, including your own.
In April, we begin something new.
We’re moving into Courage in Action — the Hero Intelligence® capacity that takes everything your child has been building inside and asks them to bring it into the world.
It’s bold. It’s vulnerable. And it’s exactly where Choice Power leads.
We can’t wait to share it with you. We’ll leave you with one minute of Dr. Shefali, but it might be the most important minute of your month.
Source: Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul Sunday featuring Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Your friends at REK,
Adam & Matthew Toren, Sylvia Tam, and Tammy Vallieres
Our new member hub is live — free activities, conversation starters, and resources for your family. Access it here.
“When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a mini-me, but a spirit throbbing with its own signature.”