What Happens After the Mistake Matters Most
Why did the roller coaster get an A in school?
Because it had a lot of ups and downs — and it always came back around : )
Yes, that was for National Roller Coaster Day and National Tell a Joke Day, but it turns out there’s more to these fun rides.
Nobody gets on a roller coaster hoping for a flat ride. The drop is the whole point. Without it, there's nothing to come back from.
Dr. Kyla Haimovitz at Stanford spent years studying what actually shapes how kids handle hard moments. Her finding changes the question entirely.
It is not what parents believe about intelligence that matters. Not the pep talks or the growth mindset posters. It is one specific thing: what a parent does in the moment right after something goes wrong.
Your reaction is the lesson.
A child who watches a parent meet failure with curiosity — not panic, not rushed reassurance — learns that failure is information. Something to study. Something to adjust.
A child who watches a parent flinch or smooth it over learns something different: that the drop is something to survive, not something to use.
This week, a story about a woman who took one of the biggest drops of her life and instead of getting back on the same ride, she built a completely different one.
STORY
The Skater Who Dressed the Olympians
Photo Courtesy
Vera Wang started figure skating at eight years old.
She was good — genuinely, seriously good. She trained before dawn, competed nationally, and dreamed of the Olympics. By 1968, she was competing at the US Figure Skating Championships in junior pairs, featured in Sports Illustrated, on the edge of making the Olympic team.
But she didn't make it.
"I was devastated," she said. "I was completely lost. I needed to find something else I could love as much."
She didn't try harder at skating. She looked honestly at what hadn't worked and she pivoted.
Fashion became that something else. She went to Vogue at 23, became one of the youngest fashion directors in the magazine's history, then launched her own bridal brand at 40 after she couldn't find a wedding gown she loved for her own wedding.
Then something remarkable happened.
The skating world came calling. Nancy Kerrigan's coach asked her to design costumes for the Olympics. She said yes.
"I never, ever made it," she said later. "I skated for so many years. But my clothes did."
She eventually designed for Michelle Kwan, Nathan Chen, Evan Lysacek. She was inducted into the US Figure Skating Hall of Fame not as a skater, but as a designer.
The drop was not the end of the ride. It was the beginning of a completely different one.
SKILL
The Failure Dinner Game
Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, credits one thing above almost everything else for how she handles setbacks.
Every week at the dinner table, her father asked the same question: what did you fail at this week?
Not how was your day. Not what did you get right. What did you fail at.
And if Sara or her brother had nothing to report, he was disappointed. Because to him, no failure meant no trying. He would high-five them when they had something. Then they would talk about what they learned.
That dinner table ritual is Dr. Haimovitz's research in action. The parent's reaction shaped everything.
Try it this week. At dinner, everyone at the table, parents included, actually parents first, shares one thing that did not go as planned. Then together, sort it:
Stretch Mistake: You tried something new and hit your limit. Growth marker.
Aha-Moment Mistake: You were missing information. Map update.
Sloppy Mistake: You knew how but lost focus. System signal.
Parents going first is the whole game. When a child watches you sort your own mistake without drama, they learn that failure belongs to everyone, and everyone can do something with it.
What did you fail at this week? We hope it was something good.
AWAKEN YOUR INNER HERO
Speaking of kids who owned their story, we have a whole book about them.
Awaken Your Inner Hero brings together 50 real stories of young people who faced something hard, found a way forward, and discovered what they were capable of.
And it’s not just a book to read. The bundle includes the Awaken Your Inner Hero Handbook, with a hands-on worksheet for every story. Turn each one into a simple lesson for homeschool, after school, or even a meaningful bedtime conversation—helping your child connect someone else’s courage to their own life.
BONUS: You’ll also receive the Cracking the Rich Code eBook, endorsed by Tony Robbins, featuring the story of REK’s founders alongside inspiring insights and stories from other contributors.
Before you go…
We hope the Ownership Energy work has been showing up in small ways for you. A choice made independently, a boundary held, or a mistake turned into a map.
Hit reply and let us know how things are going. We read every one.
And for this week's video, a Brazilian mom figured out how to give her two-year-old daughter a full roller coaster experience without leaving the living room.
Go have a great week. Remember - the drop is the point.
Your friends at REK,
Adam & Matthew Toren, Sylvia Tam, and Tammy Vallieres
Our new member hub is live — free activities, conversation starters, and resources for your family. Access it here.
“It is not the fall that defines you. It is what you do at the bottom.”