Why Real Choice Builds Real Ownership
We've spent the month talking about ownership — choices, structure, mistakes, belief. There's one piece we haven't touched yet: where ownership actually comes from in the first place.
Dr. Edward Deci and Dr. Richard Ryan at the University of Rochester spent decades building what's now called Self-Determination Theory. Their finding is simple and a little humbling for parents: kids don't develop real motivation because we push them toward it. They develop it when they feel like the choice was genuinely theirs.
Not endless choices. Not no rules. Just real ones, inside a boundary.
This week, we close out Ownership Energy month with a story about a four-year-old who turned a fear into a family business — one real choice at a time.
STORY
From Bee Stings to Bee Sweets
Courtesy: Me & the Bees Lemonade
When Mikaila Ulmer was four, she was stung by a bee. Twice, in one week.
Most parents would've told her to stay inside and avoid the backyard all summer. Her parents did something different. They asked her to learn about bees instead — what they actually do, why they matter, what it might feel like to understand something before deciding to fear it.
So she did. Mikaila found her great-great-grandmother's 1940s cookbook and a flaxseed lemonade recipe using local honey. She started making it herself, for a kids' business competition. Then she started selling it at a local festival.
It didn't stop there. What began as one pitcher of lemonade became Me & the Bees Lemonade — now sold in major grocery chains nationwide, with a portion of every sale going to organizations working to protect honeybee populations.
At age 11, she appeared on Shark Tank and secured a deal with Daymond John.
Nobody handed Mikaila a business. Her parents handed her a choice: learn about the thing that scared you, and see what you want to do with it.
SKILL
Two Real Choices
The next time your child pushes back on something this week — a chore, a decision, a fear — try pausing before you insist.
Dr. Deci and Dr. Ryan's research found that motivation deepens when kids feel a genuine sense of choice, even inside a firm boundary. The goal isn't fewer rules. It's real options inside the rules you've already set.
This week, try offering two real choices instead of one directive.
Instead of: "Clean your room now."
Try: "Do you want to clean your room before dinner or right after? Either works."
Instead of: "You have to try it."
Try: "Do you want to learn about it with me first, or just dive in and see what happens?"
Both options need to be ones you can genuinely live with. That's what makes it real ownership instead of an illusion of one.
Mikaila's parents didn't remove the bees. They handed her a choice about what to do with them.
SKILL
Own Your Idea with Kidpreneurs
Speaking of kids who build something of their own, our co-founders Adam and Matthew Toren created Kidpreneurs Academy, a hands-on online program for ages 6–12 that walks kids through starting a real business step by step: coming up with an idea, building a simple plan, and learning to manage the money that comes with it.
Thousands of families have already put their kids through it. If this month's stories sparked something in your house, now's the time to see where it goes.
Before you go…
Labor Day is Tuesday, which makes this the perfect week to talk about all the different jobs people do to help their community. The ones we see every day, and the ones we don't always think to thank.
This week's video is a fun read-aloud, perfect for younger kids, and a sweet way to turn "no school Tuesday" into a little lesson about all the helpers around them.
Let the kids sleep in, let them plan a little of the day, and let the grill do the rest.
Source: Reading Time with Ray
September brings a brand new Hero Intelligence capacity, and it's one every family with a screen in the house is going to want to read: Focus Intelligence.
See you next week!
Your friends at REK,
Adam & Matthew Toren, Sylvia Tam, and Tammy Vallieres
Our new member hub is live — free activities, conversation starters, and resources for your family. Access it here.
“Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded.”