How Stepping Back Builds Kids Who Contribute
This weekend, Tammy and Sylvia are heading to the Niagara Falls Film Festival where our short film The Hero Within was selected, which means Harmony Hare is officially making her way to the red carpet!
And since one of the featured artists being honored this year is Prince, we naturally we ended up going down a bit of a Prince rabbit hole too.
One thing that stood out while reading about his childhood was how much space he seemed to have to explore, experiment, and slowly figure things out on his own.
And interestingly, we also read Stanford researcher Jelena Obradovic’s work on child development and noticing how quickly adults naturally move in when children are struggling with small everyday things that are taking longer, getting emotional, or heading in a frustrating direction.
It’s such a normal parenting instinct. Most of the time, it comes from love, attentiveness, and wanting to help.
Which is what makes this week’s idea so interesting: sometimes a little extra space is exactly where growth happens.
STORY
Prince Wasn’t Supposed to Touch the Piano
Prince photographed by Robert Whitman, circa late 1970s
Prince Rogers Nelson was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, into a family where music was simply part of everyday life. In fact, he was named after his father’s stage name, “Prince Rogers.” His father was a jazz pianist, and his mother was a singer.
One of Prince’s earliest memories was staring at his father’s piano.
He wasn’t supposed to touch it.
But he wanted to play it so badly. Years later, Prince recalled being fascinated by the piano as a little boy and wondering how his father could create music from it.
When his parents separated, Prince was just 7 years old. The piano stayed behind, and he began teaching himself melodies from television shows and experimenting on his own.
No one knew they were looking at a future music legend. They just saw a kid exploring.
By age 20, Prince would release his first album, For You, writing, producing, and playing virtually every instrument himself.
And maybe that’s the reminder for all of us this week.
Sometimes contribution doesn’t begin with pressure or perfectly guided lessons.
Sometimes it begins with creating an environment where children have enough room to become curious, capable, and involved.
Before all the awards, the records, and Purple Rain, there was just a curious little boy sitting near a piano.
The quiet turn: every time we hold back when a child is capable of managing, we're not withholding support. We're giving them something most adults never had enough of: the direct experience of figuring something out themselves.
SKILL
The 10-Second Rule
This week’s practice sounds small, but honestly, many parents say it’s harder than it sounds:
When your child is struggling with something they’re reasonably capable of, wait 10 extra seconds before stepping in.
A lot of us grew up believing good parenting meant helping quickly, fixing frustration fast, and making things smoother.
So naturally, when we see our child fumbling with shoes, frustrated with homework, arguing with a sibling, or helping in a wonderfully messy way, we move toward the problem.
Interestingly, psychologist Jelena Obradovic found that what she calls “over-engagement” can sometimes interrupt the exact skills we’re trying to build.
Children develop stronger persistence, self-regulation, and problem-solving when adults don’t rush in too quickly during manageable struggles.
Sometimes confidence grows in the few seconds right before help arrives. And honestly, sometimes the crooked towel or oddly set table isn’t really the point.
The point is that they’re trying.
TOOL
A Gift That Gives Back
Some toys entertain children for a few days. Others become part of their world for years.
That’s part of what makes Cuddle + Kind feel so special to us.
(Although honestly… the bunny collection completely stole our hearts 🐰)
Their dolls are hand-knit by fair-trade artisans and thoughtfully designed to become the kind of keepsakes children (and adults) genuinely grow attached to. Each purchase also helps provide meals to children in need around the world.
After spending this month talking about contribution, kindness, and helping children see themselves as part of something bigger than just themselves, this felt like a beautiful fit.
Whether you’re looking for a meaningful birthday gift, an end-of-year teacher gift, or a comfort companion for a little one heading into summer, these are truly special.
Before you go…
Tomorrow is the first day of June, which also happens to be Global Day of Parents, so… cheers to us!
Parenting is such a strange experience because so much of what matters most can look so ordinary while you’re living it.
And then one day you realize those rides, talks, routines, worries, encouragements, and tiny moments of showing up quietly became someone’s childhood.
Even in movies, some of the most emotional scenes are rarely about the big achievements. They’re about the parent who stayed. The parent who believed. The parent who kept showing up.
This video felt like a beautiful reminder of that:
Source: Lionsgate Play YouTube
Thanks for being the kind of parents willing to keep reflecting, growing, and having these conversations in the middle of real life.
Your friends at REK,
Adam & Matthew Toren, Sylvia Tam, and Tammy Vallieres
Our new member hub is live — free activities, conversation starters, and resources for your family. Access it here.
“The children who learn to regulate themselves are the ones whose adults trusted them enough to practice.”